


Beside the Foggy Elbe

by Friedom



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Crossword Puzzles, Humor, M/M, Married Life, Memes, Misuse of Eldritch Fear Powers, kind of unhealthy relationship, they're in between divorces and Peter is actually around for once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28794519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Friedom/pseuds/Friedom
Summary: A normal morning at the Lukas-Bouchard mansion.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Comments: 11
Kudos: 50





	Beside the Foggy Elbe

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The worst honeymoon.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26828575) by [eldritchcatpossum (skinsuit)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skinsuit/pseuds/eldritchcatpossum). 



> Inspired by [this](https://twitter.com/Eldrtichpossum/status/1346444349442301952) comic on twitter and [eldritchcatpossum's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skinsuit/pseuds/eldritchcatpossum) fic in reaction to it, as well as a discord convo about how Peter probably doesn't know what a Meme is.  
> Thanks to [Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvercolour/) for giving this a quick read over and reassuring me it is good enough to post, but otherwise this is mostly unedited cause I don't do blanket editing these days, esp not for joke fics.  
> Note that this is from Elias' POV, who is a smarmy little git, and that their relationship is not described as super healthy. Just to be clear, they really shouldn't be your relationship goals.

Peter is already sitting at the polished table that is the centerpiece of their breakfast room when Elias enters. There is a cup of cooling coffee by his elbow, which is propping his head up over the paper, looking basically untouched. It makes Elias want to smile - his (ex-)husband has always preferred his drinks tepid. Peter is holding a pencil; doing the crossword, the only part of the paper he has ever cared for.

He himself is cradling a gently steaming pot of his favorite tea - imported specially from China for him - possessively in his hands. He sets it down gently on the glass, then turns to a vitrine to get out the matching cup. 

The set was a gift from some beau from Germany, back when he still used his original body. It’s beautiful, hand-painted porcelain, not to mention it holds sentimental value, and- he likes to get it out when Peter is around, just to remind him that he has always had other options. 

“Good morning, Darling. Have you been up long?” he asks, as if he does not already know that Peter slipped out of bed before dawn, when the presence of another person, even in their large bed, became uncomfortable. He’s been here for just over two hours now; the coffee is his second. 

Peter just grunts in return; he knows that Elias knows, and knows Elias delights in him knowing. It’s a game they have played many times. 

Elias takes his time pouring his first cup of tea of the day, enjoying the smell, taking small sips and watching, always watching Peter. His husband is frowning at the paper, scratching his beard with the pencil, grinding his teeth. It’s- cute. He could watch him struggle for an eternity. Sometimes he gets hours, when they both don’t have anywhere to be and Peter hasn’t gotten antsy yet. 

It isn’t to be, today. Peter sighs, glancing up at him for barely a second. 

“What’s 4 across?” he grumbles, voice scratchy from disuse. 

“Hm?” Elias retorts, pretending he did not understand. He raises and eyebrow, and Peter frowns at him.

“4 across, I don’t get it. What is it?” he repeats gruffly. Elias chuckles, then takes another sip of his tea, holding his husband’s gaze teasingly. 

“You want me to use the Silent Watcher’s terrible, eldritch powers to look up crossword answers? So you don’t have to figure out the clues? Am I understanding you correctly?” 

Peter thinks for a second, then nods, looking expectantly back down at the crossword. Elias sighs, long-suffering, setting down his tea. He leans back, closes his eyes for a moment, and when they open he can see- and understand- everything he sets his mind to. He focuses on the paper. 

News stories, both true and false, flash across his mind’s eye, but he dismisses them as unimportant. He zeroes in on the puzzle section, then the crossword, then question number 4, across. 

_“Cross-cultural internet joke, 4 letters”_

Elias sighs again. “It’s M-E-M-E, Peter,” he answers drily. Peter writes, then frowns down at it for a long moment. 

“What the hell is a Me-Me, Elias? That’s not a word, are you having me on?” he demands indignantly. Elias blinks, his vision returning to normal. He takes another sip of his tea. 

“A cross cultural internet joke, as the clue said. God, Peter, do you even know how to use the internet?” he asks, appraising his husband. He himself rarely deigns to, but the Watcher’s powers mean that he has often caught his employees both talking about internet culture and partaking in it. He is quite knowledgeable on it - though it is one of the less useful topics at his disposal. 

“There’s jokes on the internet? I avoid it, too many people can notice you on there. Are they funny, these Me-Mes?” Peter questions further. He still doesn’t believe Elias isn’t having him on, not that he truly blames him. Peter is fun to mess with. But in this case, he isn’t sure how to explain without making it sound any more like a trick. 

“They’re- well, they’re quite generational, I think. Some of my employees love them,” he tries. 

“For example?” Peter tries. 

“Well, Ms. Hussain is quite partial to this one where you just end any random sentence with the word “gun.” Tim enjoys using screenshots from TV programmes and such where the characters are making funny faces in casual conversation. And Martin writes these poems sometimes- Cowlik? It’s some weird format, quite plebeian if you ask me-” 

“Wait a second, what is a 'screenshot?'” 

**Author's Note:**

> don't be shy about commenting! I accept my dues in keysmashes and emojis too!


End file.
